MIL: Improving My Relationship with the In-laws

I spent this past holiday season with my husband’s family. I try to like them, but it’s not always easy. I’m feeling frustrated about my relationship with them. What can I do improve the relationship so that I’ll look forward to spending time with them again in the future?

Signed,
Ready for a change
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Dear Ready,

Good for you wanting to do something to improve the current situation with your in-laws. I think the most important thing for you to remember is one of my mom’s favorite lines: “You can’t change others, you can only change yourself.” So don’t go into this thinking about what your in-laws could/should do make things better…think only about what you can do to change yourself, your attitude, your expectations.

I recently finished reading “The Double Comfort Safari Club”--the latest book in “The #1 Ladies Detective Agency” series. I have loved this series since page 2 of the very first book and am always so excited to learn that the author, Alexander McCall Smith, has added a new book to the series. This latest book ends with our Botswana heroine, Mma Ramotswe, reflecting on the things she learned from father, the late Obed Ramotswe.

As I read these words, I knew I needed to record them in my reading journal (a place where I write words, phrases, sentences, even whole paragraphs that have impacted me from books I have read. From time to time I read through the journal entries and often the words written still ring true in my heart, but other times I read something and scratch my head wondering why I felt that was journal worthy!) So, what were the teachings of the late Obed Ramotswe? He taught:

*Do not complain about your life
*Do not blame others for things that you brought upon yourself
*Be content with who you are and where you are
*Do whatever you can do to bring to others such contentment, and joy, and understanding that you have managed to find yourself

Take the 3rd statement to heart…do what you can to make some positive changes in your relationship with your in-laws, but don’t stress about it. If things don’t change for the better (and let’s hope they don’t go in the opposite direction!), then relax and be content with what you’ve got. And remember, don’t compare the relationship you have with your in-laws to the wonderful relationship your best friend professes to have with hers.

I really love the 4th statement: do whatever you can do to bring your own contentment, joy and understanding to others. Those words speak for themselves and as you put them into practice in your daily life, I think you’ll know how to be happy every day…even when you’re spending times with your in-laws.

Cheers, Jean