I spent this past holiday season with my husband’s family. I try to like them, but it’s not always easy. I’m feeling frustrated about my relationship with them. What can I do improve the relationship so that I’ll look forward to spending time with them again in the future?
Signed,
Ready for a change
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Dear Fellow DIL,
I agree with everything that my MIL brought up. There’s a lot to be said for just changing our perspective and making the most of every moment. On top of those there’s a quote that I also like (I’ll try to find the source for you):
“You can’t expect tomorrow to be any different from today unless you do something different today than you did yesterday.”
So, in the context of your predicament I guess you could say that you can’t expect something to be better the next time you visit with your in-laws unless you do something different now than you were doing before your last visit. There are a lot of small things that you can do that can go a long way. Here are a few:
Random Cards/Packages via Snail Mail: Before I even met my MIL she sent me a card that said (sorry Jean for the exposure): “Freddy the Fart Cloud Hopes Your Day is a Gas.” Not only did it make me laugh, but it put me a lot more at ease about meeting her. It’s amazing how real mail can improve just about any relationship because, let’s be honest, we all love to receive it! If mail is good for a relationship imagine a fun package.
You Do The Calling: Whether for a big announcement or a small catch-up chat don’t leave it to your spouse to be the only one to call his/her family. If you’re the other one on the line it really sends a positive message AND you get more interaction time. If you and your spouse are both there use speaker phone so everybody gets involved.
One on One Time: Single out a particular member of the family that you want to improve your relationship with and spend some sort of one on one time. This last Christmas I played racquetball with my FIL. It was not only a lot of fun at the gym (despite the fact that I lost even though he was playing easy on me), but we had the car ride to and from as well to chat. My SIL went on a few shopping trips with Jean too while we were there! Make the most of the time you spend together. It sends a good message that you are genuinely happy to be there and not just “biding your time” or just there because it’s “their turn”.
Involve Them in the Fun Details: You don’t have to spill your soul or bring your in-laws into private family matters to include them in your life. Sending them a picture or perhaps a funny story that not the whole world is privy to sends a message that they are more than just one of your 893 friends on facebook. If you want to share a story on your blog or post a picture on facebook...that’s fine, but send it to your family first. It’s always fun to see something that you already know about go up on the internet...it makes you feel more on the inside...more like family. You could even call them right after you post something to tell them that it’s there so they don’t end up hearing about it from everyone else first.
The list goes on and on of things you can do. Be creative! These are just some that have worked for me...let’s put it to the peanut gallery:
What small things have gone a long way in improving your relationship with the in-laws? Comment below and share!
Best,
Stena
Are you a mother-in-law scratching her head over how...and why!...your most amazing child chose their spouse? Do you wonder where you went wrong in their upbringing? OR, are you a daughter/son-in-law trying to figure out how your delightful and much loved spouse could have been raised by that battle ax--er, your mother-in-law. Ask the experts how to handle the each other without tearing the family apart in the process.
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