Last week I mentioned an article I recently read that was written by Richard and Linda Eyre--"Let go of Control to find Unexpected Joy and Opportunity." So many people get caught on wanting/needing control in their lives. The Eyres suggest an alternative attitude to the control mode is serendipity. An interesting alternative.
The Eyres suggest that the word "serendipity" has been overused, oversimplified and perhaps even corrupted in popular culture...being defined as "dumb luck" or having something good happen to you by chance.
They share:
The word and its definition stem from a ancient Persian fable called "The Three Princes of Serendip." In the fable, the three princes go out in search of their fortune. None of them finds a fortune, but all of them, through their acute awareness and perception, find things that are better than a fortune--love, truth, and opportunities. to serve. They are able to make these discoveries because they notice things that other people miss, and thus find unexpected joys and opportunities.
Horace Walpole, a 19th-century English author, reading this fable realized there was no English word that expressed that happy ability to find things that are better than what we think we are looking for. So he made up the word "serendipity" and defined it as: "a state of mind whereby a person, through awareness, sensitivity and sagacity, frequently finds something better than that which he is seeking."
Don't you love that thought? There is so little that we can/should control in this life, but we can cultivate an awareness and sensitivity that will inspire us and guide us to things better than we even know to seek out. Who knows what great joy and opportunities are waiting out there for us to discover when we let go of our need to control.
The Eyres remind us that control can seem motivating because is appeals to our lust for power and dominion. But is is a dangerous kind of motivation because it is unbridled by humility and can lead to the worst kind of pride. With a serendipity paradigm we begin to see life as a great adventure where our challenge is not to control, but to perceive and to understand.
Think how much better life would be for everyone in last week's letter, if the MIL would choose to let go of her need to control and instead find joy in the fact that her daughter made it into college and is bettering her life; that her daughter is happily married and working with her husband to made a good future for themselves; that her daughter is interested enough in her opinions/ideas to ask for them--regardless of whether or not she puts them into practice. That MIL has much in which she could be finding joy!
How can your life and relationships improve by letting go of your need to control and instead work to have the ability to find things that are better than you think you are looking for?
Are you a mother-in-law scratching her head over how...and why!...your most amazing child chose their spouse? Do you wonder where you went wrong in their upbringing? OR, are you a daughter/son-in-law trying to figure out how your delightful and much loved spouse could have been raised by that battle ax--er, your mother-in-law. Ask the experts how to handle the each other without tearing the family apart in the process.
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