MIL: When In-laws become Out-laws...a rambling of thoughts

Many years ago, one of my stepdaughters married, had a baby, and got divorced--and it all happened just about as quickly as it took for you to read that sentence.  For a variety of reasons that don't need to be discussed here, the dad, "Bob", took over raising the child--who is now 12 years old and is bright, handsome and very capable!  For many years we lived in the same state as "Bob" and grandson so we got to visit often--and help out with babysitting from time to time.  I love my stepdaughter, but I also think very highly of her ex.  He has been a great dad and I admire all the time and devotion he has put into raising his son.  So even though my SD doesn't want him in her life, that doesn't mean I want him out of mine.  Heck, he and I are even Facebook friends!  It's another one of those fine lines I walk in life...wanting to keep my relationship with "Bob" but not wanting to alienate my SD because of the relationship I keep with her ex.

Another factor in this dilemma is that my youngest son, Hans, has a mental disability and all these years later he still hasn't been able to wrap his head around what it means that his sister and "Bob" are divorced.  When his sister comes to visit, he likes to pull out the photo album with pictures from their wedding--even when her boyfriend is sitting right there.  We are spending the winter months this year in sunny San Diego which is where "Bob" and his son are now living.  So today we went to visit them--the first of many visits we hope to make while we are here.  Hans was so excited as we drove out to their house and couldn't stop talking about seeing his nephew and his "brother-in-law."  It got me wondering, if "Bob" is no longer Hans' brother-in-law, does that mean he's Hans' brother-out-law?

One thing that makes this situation all the more interesting is that I married a man who was divorced.  The first time I met Leo's parents we had already been married for 6 months.  In visiting with his mom, Rae, I asked if she had any pictures of Leo when he was young.  She got up and brought back a big photo album...and then proceeded to show me pictures from his first wedding!  Yes, those were pictures of him when he was younger, but they weren't quite what I had in mind when I asked to see pictures.  That day and for many years after, I wondered why Rae had not destroyed those pictures years earlier when Leo's first marriage ended.  Was it a sign that Rae still loved Leo's ex?  And if she still loved the ex, would she ever be able to love me?  And if she still loved the ex, did I even want Rae to love me???

But look at me--I still have my SD's wedding pictures to "Bob" in my photo album....and I really don't want to get rid of them because they remind me of a happy time in the history of our family (that, and there are some really cute pictures of a skinnier me in them).


Legally "Bob" is no longer an "in-law"...so does that make him an "out-law"?  What do you think?  And do you think I should remove those old wedding pictures from our photo album?