My husband and I celebrated our anniversary last week. As I was planning out what to do for us it got me to thinking about how much has changed in my life since we got married. So many wonderful things have come into my life as a result. The list is lengthy and broad: from bikes to homemade furniture to two beautiful boys to three times the laundry and dishes to new locations etc.
One of the most special things (and most pertinent to this blog) that I've gained are new friends and family. People with whom my husband has spent years cultivating a strong enough relationship that it is only natural that it would continue into his married life.
If you haven't caught it by now, I really admire my in-laws. They are phenomenal individuals. It's been really neat getting to know them and shaping a good relationship with them. I recognize this as a huge blessing that many people don't have. So many people struggle with getting on the same page as their in-laws. Understandably so: it's a complicated relationship by nature (the default if you will) and only simplifies if you make a concerted effort to allow it to be simple. That's just it, most relationships take a lot of effort. Relationships with your in-laws can often times take even more.
In these situations I feel it's important to remind yourself why it's worth all the effort. Remember that these people are special to the person you love. These people are the ones that helped shape him/her into the person they are today. If you aren't doing it for yourself then do it whole-heartedly for you spouse. It means the world to me when my husband spends time on the phone with my parents or siblings. When he sits and skypes with my family despite having many things to do. Why? Because they are both everything to me so it makes me happy to see those relationships strengthening.
I recognize that some of your spouses might be just as fed up with their parents and siblings as you are. If that's the case it may be worth considering putting in the effort to fix that relationship for both of you. Make it stronger...come to appreciate where the person is coming from and why they act the way they do. Perhaps you can be the key to getting rid of that void that "empty relationships" leave in us.
Case in point: Stiffy (My cousin's wife) has done this for her husband. We rarely saw him before they met and got married. Then, she decided she wanted to help him bond to both his immediate and extended family. She "friended" us all on the social networking sites and made a concerted effort to be an active friend. She kept up on the blogs and started looking into family traditions. One Christmas she knitted every family an ornament like the one that my grandma used to make us when she was alive. He is now an active part of family events and his siblings (who were also rarely to be seen) were all at the Christmas party this year (catching up with each other as much as with their cousins and aunts and uncles). She has sent us gifts for the boys and christmas cards. Needless to say those relationships have gone from nonexistant to strong in only a few short years.
As you approach the new year I encourage you to reflect on why these relationships are important to cultivate, maintain, and improve.
Are you a mother-in-law scratching her head over how...and why!...your most amazing child chose their spouse? Do you wonder where you went wrong in their upbringing? OR, are you a daughter/son-in-law trying to figure out how your delightful and much loved spouse could have been raised by that battle ax--er, your mother-in-law. Ask the experts how to handle the each other without tearing the family apart in the process.
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