Liz shares some magnificent insights into what it takes to be a multiplier in your organization (in our case the family) as opposed to a diminisher.
"Good leaders use their skills and insights to spark a multiplying effect. People get smarter and better in their presence. When these people walk into a room, light bulbs go on, ideas flow, and hard problems get solved. These are the leaders who inspire <family members> to stretch themselves and get more from other people. They use people to their fullest, while diminishers waste talent and intellect that sits right in front of them."
She goes on to explain that micromanaging and always having the answers and solutions diminish the performance of those around you. Whereas (my application of her principles to family) trust, enthusiasm and room to make mistakes/take risks are crucial to multiplying the input/output your family produces and their overall happiness. This holds true within your immediate families (how you lead your kids) but also in extended families (how you continue to lead your children after they've flown from the nest).
Case in point: a few years back my husband and I headed out with two trailers behind our bikes (one with gear, one with 6 month old Mac in a carseat) and ventured out to cross 3 states in 5 days. Some thought we were insane, most felt more comfortable not knowing the details and staying detached from the venture (less anxiety to be sure), and some were excited about it. There was one person who got particularly excited about it. Jean was quick to ask details (but not correct them) and kept tabs on us the whole way encouraging each step of the way. There were multiple times where her support gave me the incentive to keep pushing myself even though my energy had run out. We ended up pulling out early due to schedule restraints, and I was sad to have to call her to let her know. She had been our biggest cheerleader and she had become a part of our team without ever once changing our plans or limiting us (as a matter of fact her efforts really had a multiplying effect).
Contrast that with a friend of ours. Jim (24) is a close friend. He has a huge debt burden from poor decisions made in the past. He is very capable and has great ideas. Jim has tried several different career path and chats frequently with my husband to get his opinion on each of them. Each of them has been great fit for him (at least in our opinion) and he'd do very well for himself. Unfortunately, every time Jim goes home his parents ask details about the things that he's doing and they tear it all down thinking that they know best (yes, for their 24 year old son). Jim loves and honors his parents and comes away convinced that whatever plan it was won't work. It's a vicious cycle that has left Jim in more or less the same situation over the last 5 years that we've known him. Sure there are things that he is doing and has done to make things happen despite his parents, but think of all the energy that goes into just fighting the tide of his parents that could be allocated somewhere else.
So here's my message to the parents of the world. Whether it be with your own children or with your children's families...learn to lead in a way that multiplies their talents and stretches them to become better. The article says that people are much happier functioning at 100% than at 50% (it's like the difference between 30 minutes of exercise and 30 minutes in front of the TV). Don't be the reason your children are functioning at 50%. Give them room to take risks and make mistakes (and then work through the consequences of their mistakes). Encourage thinking. Invest yourself and your energy in what they do, but don't feel the need to do it for them or correct or even know each detail. Of course you can do it better, but be big enough to celebrate their successes instead of feeling the need to show that you know best. Trust me, somewhere along the way they'll learn how much you know without you constantly having to show it.
After being a mom for just over a year now I feel like I'm beginning to understand how difficult it is to watch your kids suffer or go through a hard time. Having said that, I've also learned how important it is to not always step in to make everything work. Hardship helps us grow. I've seen far too many micromanaging, problem-solving parents; the effects of what they do amaze me. Their kids often land in some sort of oober-dependent, under-potential, ungrateful mush. This goes from stopping every little fall as your little one learns how to walk all the way up to always bailing your 20 something out of financial messes over and over again. Building character and strong individuals and being that multiplying leader takes effort. Often times the effort is exerted in the direction of choosing to not act where we otherwise would.
Insights?
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